What's that again?!

I’ve always thought it was crass to laugh or poke fun of the way someone talks and puts their ideas across. Working in a cross cultural environment provides enough scenarios to put that ideal of mine to a test!

“Where can I find girls?” (Granted, this wasn’t a question asked in my presence, but nevertheless it made the rounds of the office no doubt!)

“Can I use your garage to do oil change for my car?” (I’ve yet to figure out what a graceful response to this would have been!)

“You’re fat!”, “What! How can you say that?”, “Ok, jump onto the countertop and prove your agility” (I just consider myself lucky to have witnessed this conversation, it was hilarious!)

“What is burrito?” (Believe me this is strange coming from a Chinese person who’s lived all his life in Vancouver BC!)

“Is that a flying plate?” (Think extreme Frisbee!)

“I am destroyed” (I think this was word for word Slovak translation for “I’m tired”)

“I would very much like to sleep with you” (I think this takes the cake! The person meant he would like to take me up on my offer of staying at my place for a couple of days.)

My work place wouldn’t be half as entertaining if it weren’t for these guys! Thanks globalization!

Never trust HIM

Well, the weatherman let me down ...

"You told me it would be warm this week, is THIS what you meant!"

PS: I'm ignoring the forecast for tomorrow and the day after. You can see why though, look at the weather my family is enjoying! Even London! Sigh, well your weekend looks rainy ... if you trust the weatherman!

Die Another Day

New job. Cool workspaces. Earthquakes!!!

Third day at my new job and I’m at my desk, trying to configure something while looking like I know what I’m doing. (I didn’t put down “multitasking” under skills in my resume for nothing you know!)

All of a sudden the ground beneath my feet rumbles a little and my thought process kicks my imagination into overdrive. Puget Sound … Seattle area … earthquake prone … maybe even Tsunami … alert coworkers! Oh God, where’s the stairwell?! Haaaaaaaaaalllp!!!

Seeing none of the others around me even rise from their desks quickly got me back to reality.

“Steven, did you feel that just now?”
“Feel what?”
“The tremor” (*How do I look sheepish and intelligent at the same time?*)
“The WHAT? Did you just think we were having an earthquake?!”
“Err … No…”
“Hahahaaaaaaaa, it gets people every time!”
“Ah! Really, now I feel much better. You won’t believe the kind of scenarios I conjured up in my mind”
“Well don’t get too cozy. We ARE after all almost on the water and on a fault line”

*Dooooom!* and to think this was voted one of the best places to work at because of its location

Post Script

Sometime there is nothing better than saying it like it is:-

Friday, Finally.

Growing (Up) Pains!

I had a near out of body experience today as I overheard myself giving this advice to a teenage boy …

“Don’t choose a class for the sake of coming off as hip. That kind of guise is neither sustainable nor is it fulfilling. If dancing is what you’re passionate about, tie up your shoelaces!”

Sigh, it had to happen someday …

I think I’m growing up. And it hurts. (Does this mean I can’t read Enid Blytons anymore?)

My handbag said the funniest thing the other day …

Personality- it’s the buzz word these days. Everyone is in a quest to showcase theirs or acquire someone else’s. It’s no wonder I see an ad that goes, “Packed with Personality!” And this is an ad for a handbag! Who’d have guessed that handbags needed a personality?

I can’t say I’ve heard it all, I trust in people to bring out even more idiosyncratic ways to cater to consumers. Have we really given a lease on ‘life’ to inanimate objects by saying they have a persona?

I guess a population explosion has yet another drawback to its name. Genesis got it right with, *"Too many people ... There's not enough love to go around." The only logical way to go about doing anything these days is to standout and make it unique. After all, no one really has the time to get to know anyone. So why not make a statement with the cell-phone skin? Or chic socks!

I hear the term “cookie-cutter” being used so often these days and regrettably it isn’t remotely connected to a recipe for shortbread! I don’t say I like everything to look alike or only buy mass produced stuff but at the same time I wouldn’t turn my nose up at something just because it’s from Ikea!

So when you have to choose between a condescending and a complementary observation, choose the latter people! Think what it will say about your personality.

Congeniality- definitely a unique trait!

* Awesome video by Genesis

I'm in love (and always will be)

With books.

My long friendship with books came to a screeching halt when I moved in with H. It was not something we could do together. Unless you count me reciting what I just read to him! That was redundancy I couldn’t handle. So I performed the cardinal sin- ignored a cherished and nurtured past for my present man.

Soon I was tempted to sneak one into my busy days. I would often find myself sitting on the toilet long after the deed was done. Marking the page with (washed) fingers, I would then relegate my ‘comrade’ to the top of the cistern. More times than I like to admit, H would call up the stairs to check on me- see if I hadn’t fainted on the bathroom floor.

This affair continued for a couple of years, although I went through much fewer books than I would’ve liked. Until now.

An hour commute to and from work each day has given me a new lease on my literary life. It’s no longer a messy 15 minute tryst in the loo. The moment I step onto the bus (and until I step out, at the right stop!) I am transported into a world concocted by the combined imagination of my current flame and mine.

So from now on, (until I move jobs!) I’ll add a postscript to my musings that express my new found camaraderie.

Presently broadening my mind is Camilla Gibbs in “Mouthing the words” – an amusing, (sometimes disconcerting) rendering of childhood – its (lack-of) innocence and vivid imagination resulting from a troubled family.

Settle Down Honey!

Settling down- I bet this means a whole different scenario to every person.

- Getting a job… that pays!
- Moving out of parents place… and then back in after getting renter’s-shock!
- Being in a long-term relationship… that lasts longer than the milk in your fridge.
- Seeing the world… through your own eyes and not the ones of your friends and family (or the travel channel!)
- Being in a committed long-term relationship… and not in the mental asylum kinds!
- Owning a home… and another… and another (peer pressure isn’t only for teens!)
- Raising a child… and not screwing them up!
- Rejoicing when said child turns 18 (refer to scenario 2 for how this particular goal maybe farther away than you think!)
- Coming home from work to know you don’t have to set the alarm clock… ever again. (Think retirement not death!)

And several more.

But today I talk of my parents’ idea of settling down. This would be rather mundane if only they knew the following details:-

- Where

- When

- How

- WHERE

Yes, thank you MS Office, I know I got “where” in there twice but it’s my redundant way of assigning weight to the important aspect. F stand for Father, I’ll let you guess what M stands for …

M: “So, where do you think we should settle down?”

F: “You know I can live ANYwhere, you should choose”

M: “Why not <insert city-where-dad’s-relatives-reside here>?”

F: “Ok, let me rephrase, anywhere but THERE!”

M: “This is tough”

Hah! No kidding! Sis and I’ve been spectators to similar conversations for more than a decade!

Fast forward a couple of years and age does its thing. My parents (read M) realize what they (she) want and it isn’t much …Family (and the feuds that go along with it!).

M now says that she wants to go back to where her sisters and Mom live. She’s said it sporadically now and then, but we never took her seriously. After all, the longest period they “got along” for is about 10 days at a time. And that worked splendidly since it was exactly the number of days we spent in India every couple of years!

I remember M singing “Home on the range” pretty often and while it’s not a place where “the buffalos roam”. It is a village where …

The sky is still as black as after the big-bang and the stars actually twinkle.

The horizon isn’t specked with dust that wants to conquer every pore in your being.

The only ‘noise’ you hear is the gushing water in the canal or the rooster that has no sense of time.

The smells that tickle your nostrils might be ripe fruit or blossoming jasmine and rose.

All this without the absurd real estate prices of an overcrowded, under resourced city. I guess some decisions turn out to be pretty simple after all …